


Behind You Day

by bachelorgirl



Category: Les Chansons d'Amour
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-27
Updated: 2009-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-14 19:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bachelorgirl/pseuds/bachelorgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind You Day

**  
Behind You Day   
**

[Erwann]  
* ~ * ~ *  
sun come up, up come light // love come stumbling into my sight  
feels like something // something good something right  
some things could happen overnight // could be something...  
* ~ * ~ *

Erwann couldn't say what pulled him out of sleep. His flat was dead quiet, Ismael's breathing was deep, slow and regular beside him, the streets were exactly as quiet as they always were in the morning, and the sun's position in the sky gave away that the sun had been up for hours. So, it wasn't the noise, the man sleeping next to him, or the sun shining brightly through the sheer curtains that caused him to wake. Blinking awake, the sun's rays were warm and enveloped him with comfort like the blankets that were pulled up around himself, covering the both of them.

It was Thursday. Class didn't start until the afternoon on Thursdays. Without even looking over at the clock, Erwann knew he could still make it on time, but he blinked again and looked anyway. He was right. There were at least another 2 hours of lounging time before he would have to get out of bed and shower if he still wanted to make his afternoon classes.

He saw his cell phone start to vibrate on the corner of his desk. He reached out and smacked it with his hand until it fell into the wastepaper basket, landing amongst the crumpled remnants of the first thirty or so drafts of a history term paper.

The memory of Ismael stumbling into his room and maybe, hopefully, fumbling back into his life with the help of Alice, brought a small, sad smile to his face.

The smile because he couldn't have wished for that to happen, because he had never imagined that it was even possible. Sadness, because he didn't know what was going to happen when the silence broke and when reality started again. When there was more than the gentle morning breeze moving through the air from the window that Ismael seemed to want open and Erwann couldn't bring himself to close.

Last night was... Last night. Alice had brought him here. Unsteady and rambling and broken and clinging to Erwann like one or both of them were going to disappear if he loosened his grip. Erwann remembered clinging back.

He was going to take whatever he could get and whatever Ismael was willing to give. He had to admit that, right now, he wasn't sure what that entailed. Until last night, he would have said that it wouldn't have been nearly as much as he'd wanted to take. But, last night he was here. Alice had brought him here to him. That must have been for a reason.

When he'd tumbled through the door, his mouth said he wanted comfort. And, Erwann could have done that. He would have done that in less than half a heartbeat. But, his eyes said he needed to be loved. Erwann could do that too, he was sure of it. He tried to show Ismael that he could. He only hoped that Ismael had heard him. Felt him. He'd never been as confident with Ismael as he had been last night. Ismael had needed him to be strong. So, strong he had been.

Last night... had been all that he'd wanted it to be and more besides. Ismael had come, with help, to _him_. But, this was the morning. A new dawn could bring a renewed spirit and Erwann knew that he could find himself alone before he had a chance to repeat the words he'd said countless times before they'd fallen asleep.

He didn't want to think about what he would feel if this morning was like any of the other mornings. A rushed, blunted conversation where he tried to convince Ismael to stay and Ismael walked out the door. Sometimes even before the conversation, with only a hurried explanation. There was always something. Something else or someone else outside the two of them that was there to pull them apart. Like no matter what he did, Erwann just couldn't hold on tightly enough.

This morning, he hoped that maybe he didn't have to.

He carefully turned himself over to look at Ismael. Eyelids cast small shadows below his eyes, but they were dry and no longer wet with tears. His face was relaxed; there were no worried lines in his forehead. Erwann slid his head across the pillows as quietly as he could manage, and kissed a spot just under his ear before resting his forehead in the crook of his neck and lacing his right hand with Ismael's left. He let his lips kiss lightly along his jaw until Ismael started to stir.

[Ismael]  
* ~ * ~ *  
i tell myself "cool boy" take it in tow // let yourself glide, keep it steady and slow.  
(but then) you say "i'll stay" i say "go" // be gone, behind me day.  
* ~ * ~ *

The light tickling along his jaw pulled him from his sleep. He blinked himself awake and when he looked down he found his nose buried in Erwann's hair. He kissed the top of Erwann's head, smiled into his hair and felt Erwann lift himself up slightly to look Ismael in the eye.

Erwann's sleepy smile and ruffled hair and the crease marks across his cheeks from his pillowcase and the way he was settled in beside Ismael made his heart skip a beat. The steady thump-thump of his heart became a series of less-steady feather-light beats, skipping one occasionally.

He reached out before he even thought about it. Tracing the light red-pink crease marks across Erwann's cheek with the tips of his fingers. Only just ghosting along the surface of his skin. Barely touching, but taking the time to feel.

His fingers found themselves threaded in the hair at the back of Erwann's head when he tilted his head so his cheek was resting in Ismael's palm. He watched as Erwann's eyes fluttered closed and he had to bite his lip to keep from saying something. Because he didn't know what words would come out if he let himself speak and the air was still, with a calm that he didn't want to disturb.

Taking a slow, deep breath he bent forward and kissed Erwann, softly at first. Slow, barely a whisper of a kiss, almost a question. It was a question he already knew the answer to, but also a question he knew he was going to ask again. And possibly again after that.

The answer is the one Ismael knew was coming but still found himself hoping for while he waited. Wrapping his other arm around Erwann when his lips parted and he settled back against the bed, Ismael held on, all of his fingers threaded loosely in Erwann's hair, feeling their bodies melt together in a way that was already familiar and he felt his heart beat more confidently in his chest.

Last night was not how this was supposed to go. Head swimming with desperation in a pool of intoxication. Keeping his footing on the ledge only because there were sure arms wrapped around his waist, keeping him from falling into pieces. The arms that anchored him throughout the night. That held on, stroking patterns up and down his back, threading fingers through his hair, holding onto his hands when Ismael pushed him away. Holding him together and anchoring him to the earth. Like gravity.

Sitting up on his knees, Ismael gently pulled Erwann with him, settling him between his knees, their chests pressed together. Ismael could feel Erwann shaking, just a little. No goosebumps, so Ismael was fairly certain he wasn't cold, but he pulled the blanket around the both of them, anyway, cocooning themselves in the downy softness. Ismael kissed him soft and slow and short and light until his shaking subsided. Today was his turn to be the strong one.

He slowly kissed a trail down the side of Erwann's neck and bit lightly at his collarbone. There was a faint purple mark there, evidence of the desperation of the previous night. He concentrated on keeping his touch light, in control. He could feel the slightly ragged ends of Erwann's fingernails digging into his back.

He ran his fingertips slowly up and down Erwann's side, tracing gentle promises into his skin and brought his mouth back to Erwann's, kissing him hard enough that he lost the ability to breathe and he couldn't bring himself to care until he started to feel dizzy and had to pull back to gasp a short, quick breath, breathing back into Erwann's mouth, kissing him again.

Ismael could feel Erwann's hands start to wander so he reached down and twisted the fingers of each hand through one of Erwann's and breathed into his mouth, "Not yet."

They've done this before. They've done it slow and gentle, and they've done it fast and rough. Given the option, and given that Ismael didn't want last night to be the way Erwann remembered, slow was how it was going to be.

Slowly, he raised their hands above their heads, the blanket falling away as they did so, and pushed Erwann gently back against the bed, blanketing himself over him. Touching him from head to foot, feeling every inch of skin against skin and kissing him, licking deep inside, tasting him.

When he pulled back just far enough that their lips were no longer touching, Ismael felt Erwann follow him, his lips leading, bringing the rest of his head along with him and the rest of his body arched up, held against the bed by Ismael's hands tangled with his and his hips pressed down against Erwann's.

He bit his lip to stifle a hiss as he felt that Erwann was just as hard as he was. He tipped his head back down and, pressing Erwann's hands and hips back down into the bed with his own, he bit lightly at Erwann's lower lip, sucking it softly and kissing him as he slid one hand down Erwann's chest. He already felt like he'd memorized every curve and ridge of his body, but he took his time exploring, spending time stroking and kissing every place that made his breath quicken, his eyes flutter closed, or a sound slip past his lips.

He spent time, tickling Erwann's side and making him laugh, just so he could cover his parted lips with a kiss, before moving his lips back down to kiss lightly along his jaw or scrape his teeth _oh so gently_ along his collarbone.

He continued his torture until he felt like he was torturing himself and he couldn't take it anymore. Erwann's legs had gone from tangling with his own and were now wrapped around his thighs, trying to pull him closer.

He slowly slid his hand back up Erwann's side, pausing to tickle him once more on the way back up his side, before he took Erwann's hand in his and slid them both down between their bodies. A series of long, slow, gentle strokes from their joined hands was really all it was going to take.

It was a little awkward, with Ismael nearly giving into his urge to just pick up the pace and _come, already_ but managing to hold onto his last shred of self-restraint, certain that it would be worth the wait. It was when his ears were full of the sound of Erwann, coming apart with short, stifled little sounds, barely more than whispered breaths into Ismael's mouth between damp, hurried kisses.

When he felt Erwann began to tremble around him again, he released Erwann's wrists from his other hand and reached his arm around Erwann's back to hold him as close as he could, until there wasn't even space for air to move between the two of them.

Erwann ducked his head and tucked it into the side of Ismael's neck as he stilled, cried out against Ismael's skin and wrapped himself wholly around Ismael, mouth open against his neck and a half-kiss, half-sigh before he started to breathe deep, shaky breaths to supply his deprived brain with oxygen. It was the softly whispered, almost inaudible sound of his name against his skin that had Ismael following behind, collapsing onto Erwann with a startled gasp.

[Erwann]  
* ~ * ~ *  
new one dawning, sure looks bright // but i get burned by the sun each time  
it sure looked like something...  
* ~ * ~ *

Erwann was shaking again. Slow, steady breaths didn't seem to make it stop. He was lightly scratching his fingernails along Ismael's shoulders, stopping when he realized what he was doing and letting his hands slide up the slick skin of Ismael's back and twist into the damp curls at the base of his neck.

That was there were no words for what that was. Or, if there were, Erwann didn't know them, yet. It was like the first time, only better. Because, somehow, this time was more about them as a _them_. Not about Ismael needing comfort or wanting to make Erwann feel good or better or whatever. Morning light, sun streaming in, eyes locked on each other, the way these things were supposed to be. Erwann figured, anyway.

It made him want to hold onto Ismael and not let him go. Now that he had him, it was hard to want to get up and leave. To go back into the real world. There was something about this morning that felt a little bit different from the other mornings they'd spent together, but it was hard to tell with Ismael. Their last morning together had seemed different and, not that he had a wealth of experience to compare it to, but it had been the best night of his lift. But the sun had come up and Ismael had gone and things were back where they'd started.

"I don't have to go to school today," Erwann said, slowly sliding himself out from under Ismael so that he could look him in the eye. He propped his head up in his hand, elbow resting on the pillow, and watched Ismael's breathing slowly becoming deeper and more regular. Today was good. He didn't want to be the thing that ruined it.

"Yes, you do." Ismael punctuated each of his words by tapping the bridge of Erwann's nose lightly with his index finger.

"I'll stay," Erwann said. He doesn't have to see the expression on his face to know what its saying. His eyes are hopeful, and his voice sounds almost sounds like a question.

  


[Ismael]  
* ~ * ~ *  
i tell myself "cool boy" go with the flow // let yourself glide, keep it steady and slow  
(but then) you say "i'll stay" i say "no" // be gone, behind me day  
don't need no blue skies // making me feel like a kid again  
don't need no blue eyes // setting me up like a bowling pin  
no, no, no.  
* ~ * ~ *

Ismael slowly untangled their limbs and blankets and pushed himself subtly to the other side of the bed and tried not to think too hard about why the next word out of his mouth hurt as much as it did.

"Go." He didn't really mean it, but the tone of his voice was close enough that he hoped Erwann thought he did.

The invitation to play hooky with Erwann was almost enough to make him give in. Ask Erwann to stay. Here. With him.

The sun was shining brightly through the curtains, the morning had brought a new day and a seemingly new peace that Ismael knew he'd been looking for, but wasn't sure he knew where to find. He couldn't be selfish. As much as he wanted Erwann to stay, he knew that it was the right thing for the both of them for Erwann to go to school.

The look on Erwann's face was so hopeful that Ismael could literally _feel_ his resolve slipping. He shook his head slightly. "School. I'll see you soon."

Big, damp brown eyes blinked back at him and nodded.

So, Ismael settled himself back against the blankets and waited. To let him go. And, just try to love a little bit less. He'd asked it of Erwann, to love him less, but still let that be enough. Because it could be.

He just had to start taking his own advice.

[Erwann]  
* ~ * ~ *  
i tell myself give it a go // or you never will know  
he'll say "i'll stay" you'll say "go" // and it's gone behind you day  
he'll say "i'll stay" you'll say "go" // it's gone behind you day  
* ~ * ~ *

Erwann pushed the door open slowly. It was a late night at the newspaper. If he was still there, Ismael might still be asleep.

He was. Erwann stopped and caught his breath for a moment. It wasn't the first time he'd come home to Ismael asleep in his bed, but this was the first time that there was a hint that it might not be the last time. And, the first time he'd done so, presumably, on purpose and not as a result of oversleeping after weeks of not sleeping.

Erwann settled himself on the bed gently and ran his hand across Ismael's bare shoulder. Ismael rolled over onto his back, stretched his arms above his head and smiled. Continuing his stretch enough to bring his arms up and wrap them around Erwann's shoulders, Erwann let himself be pulled down for a quick, closed-lip kiss.

"The newspaper? It's 4:30." Erwann tried to focus on something that was not Ismael kissing him.

Ismael scoffed and buried himself further into the bed. And, oh, Erwann wanted to tell him not to go to work tonight. To ask him to stay. To stay here with him. Where he could touch him and smell him and taste him and say I love you until the sun came up again. But, he couldn't.

There was a world out there. That Ismael needed to live in. That _they_ needed to live in. One that extended beyond the four walls that kept Ismael here with him.

"I'll stay," Ismael said.

Erwann smiled a smile that was more confident than he felt. "Go."

He watched as Ismael pretended to think about it for a moment and then slowly push himself out of bed, stopping to place a kiss on the top of Erwann's head on the way to have a shower. Erwann didn't bother to clarify that his brother wasn't home, because he knew it didn't really matter to Ismael that he was walking entirely naked through the flat.

Erwann could hear the sound of the water as he tidied up his room. He pulled his bookbag over his shoulder and dropped it onto his desk chair. He pulled the blankets back up over his bed, not caring to smooth out the wrinkles. He pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it onto the floor beside the bed.

He settled himself cross-legged into the middle of his bed, piling his history books around him and flipping through the pages in his notebook, trying to find the notes he'd scribbled between his history and English classes when inspiration had struck.

He tucked his pencil behind his ear and flipped through the stack of books at his side when he heard a rustle in his doorway.

Looking up, he smiled when he saw Ismael leaning against the doorframe, watching him. He felt a warm glow in his chest when Ismael walked over to him, bent over and kissed him. Erwann watched as Ismael grabbed his copy of the keys to the flat and jingled them once before sliding them into his pocket. He couldn't hold back the smile that made its way onto his lips when Ismael picked up the sweater Erwann had worn to school that day and pulled it over his head.

"I'll bring breakfast on my way back from work. You want those raisin buns you brought me, or will croissants do the trick?" Ismael asked as he straightened out the sweater and slipped his shoes on.

He would be back. After work. Ismael was coming back. To him. Erwann grinned up at him and tugged lightly on the collar of his sweater.

"Surprise me," he whispered, just before he pressed their lips together.

"See you tonight," Ismael whispered against his mouth.

He ducked his head and tried to pretend he was concentrating on the book in front of him to hide his grin when Ismael ruffled his hand through his hair before he headed for the door.

  


* ** *** ***

  


> song: "Behind Me Day" - Gavin Creel


End file.
